One of the world’s richest men Throck Morton sank the first solar powered sports car over the Fourth of July weekend. Billionaire land developer Throck Morton was attempting to bypass a construction zone when he lost control of the solar powered Ferrari Scuderia and crashed it into an inlet close to Miami.

 

 

“This is definitely one of the pitfalls of alternative powered cars,” stated Throck “The solar powered version of the Ferrari just didn’t have the punch I’m use to in the gasoline version. There was a ton of construction by my condo and I was just going to jump a small ocean pass. I didn’t lose control. I just didn’t have the power to launch that puppy as far as wanted.”

 

The gasoline powered Ferrari 430 Scuderia does 0-62 mph (100 km/h) in less than 3.6 s, with a top speed of 199 miles per hour (320 km/h). It was unveiled at 2007 Frankfurt Auto Show where it aimed to compete with cars like the Porsche RS-models and the Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera. Its base cost is close to $300,000 but with the solar panels and the “Go Green” features the cost of the crashed car would land closer to $1.6 million.

 

Ray Luckerbozer, a local fisherman, who saw the accident from a nearby pier added, “That guy came flying down the side road like a scalded dog. It was like something out of the Dukes Of Hazzard movie. The sports car was like a bright red flash that went zooming through the air. The dude inside the car was even drinking a Starbucks coffee. He only missed clearing the waterway by a few dozen feet.”

 

The extraction of the car will be coordinated between Dade County Sheriff and United States Coast Guard. Throck Morton Industries has already made arrangements to pay for both the totaled car and any expense involved in its extraction.

 

 

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Lloyd’s of London, the world’s most reputable insurance corporation, has announced it will be insuring real estate tycoon Throck Morton’s right hand for $20 million. Throck Morton has been back and forth as the richest man in the world with both Warren Buffett and Bill Gates. His handshake has been so successful at sealing deals that it led his company Throck Morton Industries to pursue insuring his “shaking” hand.

                                                                        

Throck Morton Industries spokesman Artie Basslemardorf  told us, “Outside Donald Trump and Throck Morton no one has a handshake that locks down a deal so fast. It’s also a pretty firm handshake too.”

 

 

The deal also stipulates that Throck cannot do some activities such as rock climbing. “Sure it takes the fun out of being able to slap people,” stated Throck “But I shouldn’t be doing some of the things on their list anyway…like camel racing, arm wrestling Jennifer Aniston, or ‘cheese chasing’ in Cotswalds with John Stamos. What kind of sport involves chasing a ball of cheese down a steep hill anyway? Let’s just say the Scotch whiskey in that town is delicious.”

 

 

Throck Morton’s new forty story office building shaped like a monkey opens in Dubai closer to December.

 

 

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Real estate tycoon Throck Morton is taking his new idea to the bank…I mean the hospital. This week he rolls out his new hybrid which is a cross between an ambulance and a mobile DJ booth. The first “jambulances” come out of the factory today and look to start showing up on the West Coast soon after the production run finishes.

 

“Every party needs a hot DJ,” informed Throck “and when someone gets hurt the party usually stops anyway. So this new company will make money on both sectors of the entertainment and health establishments.”

 

 

Throck Morton’s new company “911 Parties L.L.C.” will be run out his Throck Morton Global Holdings regional office in Cancun. The strategic plan is to not only expand the jambulance franchises but to add fire engines equipped with a built in grills and hot tubs. The complete “911 Party” would also include a SWAT truck which holds six refrigerated kegs of beer.

 

“Everyone will be running for the exits when they see the fire department, police, and meds show up,” laughed Throck “But then we throw open the doors and whip up a party that will rock their socks off.”

 

Throck Morton Global Holdings Legal Department released a statement stating only two states (Utah and Montana) have denied the “Jambulance” franchises. Throck Morton concluded, “Go figure it is the two states that really needed some fun!”

 

 

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Reports out of Monaco are that real estate tycoon Throck Morton has been banned from the royal palace of Sovereign Prince of Monaco Albert II for his actions at a recent party.

 

(Prince Albert II of Monaco)

According to inside sources Prince Albert II had invited several guests to his royal residence to watch the opening game of the National Basketball Association’s playoffs “Lakers vs. Celtics”. During a half time break the Prince’s girlfriend Charlene Wittstock stumbled on to Throck misusing a royal artifact.

 

(Charlene Wittstock )

When contacted at his own castle in Dusseldorf Throck Morton stated, “I was in the kitchen working up a batch of summer sausage, cheese, and Ritz crackers. The sausage was so thick I grabbed a large knife in the corner and used it to chop the meat and some cheese squares. How was I supposed to know it was the King’s sword that Napoleon or some fancy pants dude had once owned? It sure was great for cutting sausage though. It was pure accident. Just don’t tell them that I also used it to stir the ‘party punch’ I made before the whole Ritz thing happened.”

 

(Throck Morton)

 

The royal family would not comment on the incident only saying that Throck Morton was not on the invite list to this week’s party. Throck Morton’s communications director Randall L. Bentley replied, “The Prince is just mad because he’s a Celtics fan and Throck is a Lakers fan. It probably didn’t help that Throck bought every one of the Prince’s servants and royal guard officers a free Kobe jersey. Go Lakers!”

 

The government of Monaco asked not to comment on a situation they felt was purely motivated by American basketball.

 

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Real estate magnate Throck Morton made an expensive spill during this week’s VIP art exhibit at the Dallas Art Museum. The show was a showcase for hip new American artist John Stafira. His painting titled “Lovers Embrace” was not up for sale and was only on display before moving on to a showcase in the French Louvre in Paris.

 

 

 

 

 

(Artist John Stafira, Heiress Gina Luksusowa, & rocker Raydon)

 

 

Throck Morton stated, “I was leaning over talking to Carrie Underwood about this diamond I’d hooked her up with at Jones & Son when one of the losers from last year’s show The Bachelor bumped my arm. Now I own a painting.”

 

(Carrie Underwood)

 

 

The painting is appraised at close to $12 million dollars according to a spokesman at Sotheby’s. Throck wrote a check on the spot to the renowned artist John Stafira for the full amount. “I kind of had to buy it. I didn’t want the French thinking all our paintings smelled like booze. This is a big art piece for me. I’m not big into art. My last painting was a $9 oil painting of two squirrels sword fighting…it looks good in my office though. I only came to this function because Carrie Underwood said her hot belly dancer friend was going to be there…and the dancer didn’t even show!” Throck Morton’s new 200 story office building in Dubai unveils next week.

The Dallas Art Museum and the Lourve could not be reached for comment.

 

 

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Reports have leaked out of France about Throck Morton’s arrest late Tuesday night outside a Marseille’s disco. The rumored incident unfolded as the eccentric billionaire rode a bull into the club. Security was unable to stop the tycoon or his steed. Before local police could arrive the bull did damage to the bar and several tables. Mr. Morton did buy two bottles of Cristal champagne which he offered to anyone who was fearless enough to get close enough for him to pour.

 

 

When contacted Throck told us, “This is all rumors. It is totally false. I was not at a party with Emmanuelle Chriqui when a farmer came along driving a herd past the condo. I did not offer the farmer money for the bull. I did not buy two bottles of Cristal and ride around serving them to the disco crowd. If I did buy anything it would have been four bottles of Dom Perignon…and did the bartender mention the tip he got? But as I said it didn’t happen. Now I need to go shower because I smell like cow and Emmanuelle owes me some Euros.”

 

 

French authorities could not be reached for comment.

 

 

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Throck Morton denies Megan Fox tattoo rumors

 

Billionaire real estate tycoon Throck Morton denied rumors today that Megan Fox had his name tattooed on her lower back. Megan Fox best known for her breakout role in the motion picture Transformers recently made an appearance at the MTV Movie Awards. Crowd goers claimed they saw the tattoo.

 

(Tattoo covered by makeup)

 

(Tattoos uncovered also appear on her arms)

The eccentric Throck was contacted at his two mile long villa in the U.S. Virgin Islands. “I’m sure Megan doesn’t have a tattoo of my name or face on her body. That something she might call to tell me about” Throck stated, “Though there was that one crazy party in Cannes where I’m still fuzzy on the details…so on second thought who knows. It was really wild party.”

 

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Morton buys castle for Halloween party

 

In a gesture of pure grandeur Throck Morton, real estate mogul and tycoon, purchased the Von Ecktenburg castle in Austria for a reported $42 million in U.S. currency.

 

 

Throck stated “It seems every year Donald Trump or Puff Daddy tries to have a bigger and bolder Halloween party then me. This year I decided to put it all on the table and just buy a damn castle.”

 

 

 

Throck Morton Industries has been on a role acquiring and selling major properties around the world even while the United States economy is weak.

 

 

“I own a piece of Micronesia and I’m not even sure where that is. Do you know?” laughed Throck, “But I do know it sounds like a good investment. Did I mention that this Halloween I plan to go as a pirate? One damn good looking pirate…yeaaaa baby!”

 

 

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Other Throck Morton news

Throck Morton Personal news

 

 


Throck Morton Industries announced today that it would be purchasing three (3) Boeing 737 from a local Saudi prince.

 

When asked why Throck Morton had bought three of the same jet he said, “I wanted each jet to have a different theme. One would be ‘disco party’ and yet another would be jungle themed. The last would be something freaky called ‘Wet & Wild’.”

The jungled themed plane would include live monkeys and gorillas imported from exotic locations around the world.

The disco jet would include stewardesses in fancy outfits from the era.

The “Wet & Wild” jet’s basic plans were kept top secret. However according to German interior designer Hansz Becknerfost the inside of the plane will include “enough water to fire up at least one wave pool.”

 

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